(Entry 4) Sharing a Favorite Actor

 The movie Van Hellsing(2004) featuring Hugh Jackman has to be one of my favorites of his roles, along with Wolverine from X-Men. And he is one of my favorite actors. And while it was my independent decision to like Hugh Jackman, my liking towards him is vital to my character because he was also my father's favorite. 

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My father was a caring and honest man who always took responsibility. I had always wondered what he had been like since he died when I was a child. However, even without knowing him, we have much in common. As I grew older, I was always told, "You're just like your father." Over time, these phrases comparing me to a man I never knew brought me resentment and joy. These were complicated feelings. 

I remember pleading to my mother to take me to X-Men movies or to put them on the TV. When the Logan movie was released in 2017, I can't imagine I've ever been more annoying. Even though she raised me, she didn't realize I had been so fond of the actor. She asked me, " You like the Wolverine?" I, of course, said, "Yes! Hugh Jackman plays him! He's so cool!" She would go on her usual tangent after discovering similarities between us, talking about how much I was like him. I understand, of course, that he was her only son. But I heard that my whole life, I had felt I was just a replacement child for her, not even my own person. 

However, as I've matured, I've come to hold onto these words. Instead of feeling jealousy, longing, and even hatred towards my father, I've begun to strive to be the man he was. And while films have always helped me to connect to my family and others, this was different. Through every Hugh Jackman film I watched, my identity as my father's son solidified, even if it was only my recognition. Thus, sharing a favorite actor has never been so meaningful to me.